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THE NOT SO WONDERFULL LIFE OF PANDA [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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(no subject) [Jun. 3rd, 2009|02:48 pm]
[Current Location |my hometown]
[Current Mood |frustratedfrustrated]
[Current Music |framing hanley - alone in this bed]

Today suppose to be a good day until everyone gang up on me and made me felt like i'm the bad person. Sometime i can't help it thinking maybe my family doesn't know me well. I felt that they don't really appreciate me that much especially my mother. They doesn't seem to realize all the thing that i had done and gave. I never told anyone but sometime i really think  i'm useless. Most of the time i felt like the loser of my family. Nothing i do or give will be good enough for them. I even gave up my dream for them. They never support my passion for art and music. What really hurt me the most is that my mother doesn't think i have what it takes to learn music and constantly making me feel i never accomplish anything good in my life. My father never think i good enough to pursue art . I end up giving this all up for them and let them choose what good for my future. I always felt so miserable and alone dealing with this. If only they knew.....
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give me, give me...... [May. 15th, 2009|12:24 am]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Mood |excitedexcited]

it been a while since i update. things a bit boring lately. now i'm doing my practical as an intern. it was boring except for yesterday we went for a field work. got to see cattle and goats. i swear one of the goat tried to headbutt me. it was freakin scary.

today i decided to bring my laptop and surf the web just to kill time. as usually i went to paramoremusic and suprisingly i found out that the new abum will be out on september 9. it the same month as my birthday. i was totaly flipped out and for second there i almost forgot i was still at the office. i swear someone prolly noticed me overexcited. i'm definiteky askin someone to buy it as present.

i just can't wait. i really really want it .
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geez.. this heat is makin me cranky. [Apr. 19th, 2009|02:28 am]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |my stuffy bedroom]
[Current Mood |crankycranky]

man its hot tonight. i'm sweating, sticky and smelly. if not because of sharing my bedroom, i swear i'll sleep naked tonite. i didn't even study today because it freakin hot and i'm just not in the mood to force my brain with all those nonsense facts and formulas. this remind me why i hate leaving in malaysia. its freakin hot all year long.


being an insomnia, i did a lot of thinking tonite. i know my birthday is months away but i'm thinking of getting a tattoo or something for my birthday. nothing big or dramatic. something small and cute maybe and probably on my wrist. i always want a tattoo ever since i was 14. seeing someone with a tattoo just fascinate me. for me tattoo is not just a permanent ink, its art and an expression.

another reason i want a tattoo is that i'm iban. being an iban people constantly asked me if i have a tattoo, it like a compulsory or something. just a year ago while my sister and i talking in a taxi and the driver overheard us and notice we're iban, the first thing he asked if we have a tattoo. its not the first time we were asked in public by strangers if we got any tats.

maybe i bring along my sis. she love tattoos. i know she will like to have one too. beside my parent will have nothing against it anyway. heck, my old neighbour just had his first tattoo at the age of 50+. i'm not going to wait that long for a tattoo.
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i can feel the pressure... it getting closer now.... [Apr. 17th, 2009|10:48 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |a place i called home]
[Current Mood |stressedstressed]
[Current Music |crickets and frogs]

its been ages since i enter my journal. what can i say, my life just boring and nothing worth entering.

now i'm back at my hometown for study week. i've been reading four books by sarah dessen this month and i must say that she is my currently favourite author (so much for studying hard). my favourites are just listen and this lullaby (highly recomended!) i was soo hooked on reading that i slept at 5 am every night. i guess i need to read to get my mind off the exam which is just around the corner. i'm so not prepare for my final exams. wondered if i can maintain my 3 pointer. and that not all that i'm worry about. the fact that i have my industrial practical just 3 days after the exams. and whats worst is that the manager where i'm going to have my practical is a friend of my parent. what if i'll mess up and didn't do well on my job (panic mode!!!!!!!) i'm so nervous and scared. toooo much pressure.

think positive, think positive.

i guess i shouldn't think too much about it. maybe things will go smoothly. i hope... who knows maybe i'll be really good at it.   
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mental block!!! help me.... [Feb. 25th, 2009|10:13 pm]
[Tags|, , ]
[Current Location |home sweet home]
[Current Mood |crappycrappy]
[Current Music |flyleaf - i'm so sick]

I've been surfing the internet for hours trying to get some idea for my English discussion group. Gah... this so frustrating. I still can't believe my English lecturer chose me to lead the English discussion tomorrow. Was i that good on the previous discussion. Why me????

Honestly, i'm honored to be chosen but.... i can't do it. I really can't(i'm doooooommmmmmmmm). I usually got a lot of ideas but strangely today i'm all block. I guess i'm too tired today and the cats outside just driving me nuts with all those meowing.

I wish tomorrow never come. Oh well, just hope tomorrow i'm not to nervous to talk or i might stutter all the way through of the discussion or worse i'm might puke.. EWWW.

Well, wish me luck. i'm gonna need em.
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I HATE GUYS!! PERIOD... [Feb. 22nd, 2009|10:58 pm]
[Current Location |my bedroom]
[Current Mood |annoyedannoyed]
[Current Music |a decade under the influence]

     I don't really understand guys. What is it that attract guys? I'm really really confused right now. Do all guys prefer perfect skin girl with skinny or slim body who wear cute outfits all the time?

     Whats wrong with girl who like to wear sneaker, hoodies and t-shirts?? I know i'm different then all my friends. I don't have the perfect skin or the perfect body and what worse is i'm short :( People constantly confused me for a high school student. LOL!

   In high school i used to liked being different from everybody. Wear outfit that i felt comfortable with and listening to my mp3 all the time. In university i felt that people don't even notice me especially the guys. Is it because i'm different?. gah i hate myself right now!!!!!!

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